Friday, January 05, 2007
Recently I've been finding inspiration in the least likely of places: In blogs of people I knew in elementary, junior, and high school (although I wasn't friends with most of them, just knew of them because we were in the same grade). Thatch-Work, written by S, is an account of her life with three children (twins included) and as a family of missionaries returned from Africa. I am amazed and humbled at how much she has accomplished in her life and find myself craving her faith. Zigzag Mommy, written by M, gave me strength and hope when I found out I was pregnant with Bean. I was so overwhelmed (and still can be at times) at the thought of having two children under the age of two but find that reading M's journal makes me look forward to the joyful experience of being a family of four. Mommy Muse, written by T, inspires me to look for the joy beyond the frustration of daily life. And Elephant Dreams, written by D, inspires me to dream the big dreams I haven't dare to in years.

We find ourselves in some financial trouble lately, and it's been wearing us down to the point of exhaustion. It's nothing new for us, but the thought of a new baby and this stress is overwhelming. Being pregnant isn't helping, as I'm emotional and prone to having fits of worry that take over everything. My faith is not as strong as it was years ago, and I'm struggling to give up these burdens and let someone bigger handle them for us. Some days I wish for long bouts of sleep and endless mugs of tea to soothe away these worries, but mostly I'm just wishing to get out of this hole we are in. Jared and I push one another to keep going, keep believing, keep working towards our dreams. I know now that without Emma and Bean, we would have given up a long time ago. I am so thankful for my babies; the thought of them warms my heart and calms my soul.

Oh, my silly beautiful girl. I don't know if you will ever understand all that you are to me. Perhaps this knowledge will come when you have a child of your own. My life is no longer my own, but full of deeper meaning and greater joy now that I have you. Thank you for the million ways you make me keep believing.

You've changed so much in 13 months, Emmie. I can't believe you're going to be a big sister! I love you, mouse.

Posted by Kier at 1:01 PM |


At 12:04 AM, Blogger Sara said........
Oh I loved this post. (And I am so happy you contacted me to let me know where you are!) I kept hitting your old link over and over and it always made me sad when I realized you had shut down the old blog.

Your little girl is getting so big! (and more beautiful everyday!) You once mentioned how she had the angel kiss on her forehead like my daughter did, but this is the first picture I can actually see it in. They look the same! I have never seen another little girl with one! And hers has also faded to nothing. I can see Ainsley's sometimes when she is cold or upset.

Money is a sensitive subject around these parts, too. That is the main reason we didn't end up moving out your direction. (and the job situation) Mike is working his second job tonight, which helps pay those bills. I like the weekends when we get to spend more time together as a family.

I have a friend whose two children are close in age like your children are/will be. She said it ended up being easier than she thought it would be. I can't wait to hear what you are having!!

At 12:49 PM, Blogger Kier said........
Ooooh! I'm glad you found this place :)

Ainsley really does look like a little doll...does anyone ever tell you that? She's so pretty!

Gahhh...the 2nd job. Jae will hopefully be able to teach music lessons on the side so he won't get a 2nd job, but who knows. You're smart not to move to this economic crap hole (lol!).