Good bye Annie AnnYesterday morning my Great Aunt Ann passed away. At 75 she was one of those put together, fiesty, classy women who never seemed to age. It still hasn't hit me yet that she's gone.
Tomorrow is the wake, Monday the funeral, and I dread seeing Uncle Bob and all of their children (they had 7, the oldest passed away last year). I especially dread the wake; open caskets do not sit well with me. I'd rather remember Annie Ann the way she was, not stiff and....oh god. I hate thinking about this.
Jared just got back from getting wine and beer, and now we're going to sit and relax and just be together.
Babycakes
Mommy to the sweetest girls ever and expecting our son to arrive in late June! Doula-in-training, PPD survivor, VBAC goddess!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
I always have the best intentions of keeping up with this blog but life (and my own mind) always get in the way.
The girls are doing well, Jared has almost completed his first semester of school (he already has a bachelors, now going back from something different). And I....well, I'm here.
I continue to struggle with PPD but not nearly as bad as before. I don't have much more to say about myself. Lately I can't bear to write (or even think) much about myself and my hopes, dreams, etc. I'm just stuck in the mommy rut, feeling like I'm not a person, just the mommy with no life of her own. Sure, I have wonderful friends and a great family and I adore my children and husband but I'm hungry for my own life separate from being a mother and wife. I want so badly to begin doula work and eventually to go to midwifery school but I have to wait for Jared to be done with school and settled into his new career first. In the meanwhile the girls are so demanding; they fight, they scream at each other, and Emma is out of control. She knocks her sister down, she hits her, she kicks her. Today she pushed Savannah down so hard that Savvy knocked her poor little head on the kitchen floor and got an imprint of the run on her forehead and a huge bruise. And I'm ALWAYS RIGHT THERE next to the girls when this happens! I can't leave them alone for even a second because something will happen. I'm so touched out and stressed out from having them connected to my hip 24/7....I just want to scream!
Savannah still isn't sleeping through the night, and it's killing me. Thank god the girls are adorable and smart and funny, for their sakes.
I'm making it sound pretty bad, but really the girls are wonderful. It's just normal sibling rivalry but it's taking a toll on me. *sigh*
Okay, I've gotta run up and get Savannah who just woke up. So much for posting pics, huh?
The girls are doing well, Jared has almost completed his first semester of school (he already has a bachelors, now going back from something different). And I....well, I'm here.
I continue to struggle with PPD but not nearly as bad as before. I don't have much more to say about myself. Lately I can't bear to write (or even think) much about myself and my hopes, dreams, etc. I'm just stuck in the mommy rut, feeling like I'm not a person, just the mommy with no life of her own. Sure, I have wonderful friends and a great family and I adore my children and husband but I'm hungry for my own life separate from being a mother and wife. I want so badly to begin doula work and eventually to go to midwifery school but I have to wait for Jared to be done with school and settled into his new career first. In the meanwhile the girls are so demanding; they fight, they scream at each other, and Emma is out of control. She knocks her sister down, she hits her, she kicks her. Today she pushed Savannah down so hard that Savvy knocked her poor little head on the kitchen floor and got an imprint of the run on her forehead and a huge bruise. And I'm ALWAYS RIGHT THERE next to the girls when this happens! I can't leave them alone for even a second because something will happen. I'm so touched out and stressed out from having them connected to my hip 24/7....I just want to scream!
Savannah still isn't sleeping through the night, and it's killing me. Thank god the girls are adorable and smart and funny, for their sakes.
I'm making it sound pretty bad, but really the girls are wonderful. It's just normal sibling rivalry but it's taking a toll on me. *sigh*
Okay, I've gotta run up and get Savannah who just woke up. So much for posting pics, huh?