Babycakes

I can't believe that I've been so boring lately. Oh well, with 7 weeks to go my mind is elsewhere.
Savannah squirms around all night long and it's getting harder to get comfy in bed. I'm a wreck and breakdown over the silliest things, and Jared swears that I was just like this with Emma (although I can't remember!).

I find myself retreating into my own mind more and more, wanting peace and tranquility and everyone to leave me alone. I want time alone with Emma more and more because I know that once Savvy comes I will be spending countless hours nursing her and caring for her. I don't know quite what to expect with 2 babes under 2 years old, but I know that it will be a challenge.
I guess that's all for now...this blog has become the most boring it's ever been, but I just don't have the energy to explain these wandering thoughts of mine. I'm slowly becoming the person I was meant to be and it's exciting and thought-provoking to figure out my place in this world. I'm a mommy and a wife and an advocate for so many things, and I'm finally feeling very comfortable in my own skin. At last.

We've been a very busy family; with Rolly Pollies (gymnastics) on Fridays and swimming on Thursdays and many trips outside to play, our world has revolved around fun for Emma this month. We spend a lot of time with my family playing with Josh because we know that once Savvy is here it's going to be a little while before we can devote enough attention to him again.

Here are Daddy and Emma roaring at Mommy from the dino! Emma loves dinosaurs (she takes after her obsessed Papa!) and picked out her favorite shirt to wear today: a red shirt with a green T-Rex riding in a monster truck. Yeah, it's definitely a hand-me-down from Joshie!!


One of the favorite activities at Grammy's house is having a parade around the kitchen island. Here are Josh and Emma having so much fun while Mommy makes them stop to say cheese:


I think I posted this before (maybe? who knows, I'm too lazy to look), but it's worth repeating. My silly little girl looking very much like the toddler she is. Oh, how I adore that little face and that sweet, funny, forced grin for the camera:


One of my favorites; Emma smelling the flower she had picked for me. I am truly blessed:

This pregnancy has been much more difficult than my last. I tire more easily (running around after a toddler is killing my hips) and am having more frequent braxton hicks. I'm sleeping poorly and am an emotional basket case, often getting into arguments with my husband for no good reason. I cry constantly and lose my temper with Emma at night (mostly when she's cranky and ready for bed and I'm trying to run around to get everything ready for our bedtime routine by myself - this is the time when I really need help).

On top of it all are my constant worries about this labor and birth, and weather my rights and choices will be respected this time. Jared already knows that if I birth vaginally (which I WILL! I WILL!!) he is to scream "GET THE HELL OUT!!!" if anyone even attempts to come into our room while Savannah is being born (other than our midwife and nurse, of course). He knows that if I have to be cut open again, the doctor MUST BE YELLED AT to show ME the baby first - and Jae also knows to be standing right next to the nurse while she cleans Savvy up, so that he can make sure NOTHING is injected or slathered into her eyes (the hospital will allow this, but they'll be calling CPS to let them know. Whatever.). He knows to bring Savvy to me ASAP and help me nurse her while I am being stiched up, regardless of what ANYONE says. Because, really, this is our child, and we have final say in everything.

I can't sleep for worrying about all of this. All of this and more...

Like what will Emma be thinking and feeling when we are away from her overnight for the first time? Will my Mom be able to comfort her enough and get her to sleep? Will she be okay without us? How long will I have to stay in the hospital? (This time, I know my rights and know that I can check out with Savvy as soon as a pediatrician clears her).

My mind is never calm, never quiet these days. I need rest.

I miss my husband. He's only at work, only gone for a few short hours more, but I just want to hold him and thank him for being my everything for the past 8 years. I could never have gotten this far without my sweet Jae.

Life doesn't stop simply because you're exhausted and can't get out of bed without struggling to scoot to the end of the mattress and then limping because you've been up half the night with leg cramps that leave you unable to walk normally. That's the lesson I've learned in the past few weeks!

We've been busy living life and enjoying the time with Emma before Savannah is welcomed into our family. I keep getting a sense of urgency to make the most of Jared's days off now because once Savvy comes, we won't be able to just pick up and go as easily as we can now. Wow, I can't believe that I just said that picking up and going is easy! It was a snap before kids, but with Emma it's gotten a bit trickier. There are naps and meals to plan and a bag to pack and a wiggly girl to wrestle into a coat and mittens and a hat. It's really anything but easy, but put into perspective of having a newborn, this Emma stuff is simple!!

Our darling nephew Joshua turns 4 on tax day and we will celebrate his birthday on the 14th with a Spiderman/Pirates of the Caribbean themed party (he chose Pirates decorations and a Spidey cake. My mom was about to return the decorations when I reminded her that he chose them himself, and that we've been talking about a Pirates birthday for a month now. So what if the decor doesn't match the cake? He's 4 for crying out loud, and it's only family!).

We've been spending loads of time with Joshie but he's very aggressive lately and I have zero patience left for anyone (that's what happens when you're 30 weeks pregnant and chasing a toddler all the time I suppose). We did happen to have some fun reading the bunch of new pirate books Papa brought home from school, though:



Also, the girl (woman, I suppose) who introduced me to my lovely husband came for a visit last week! Tiffany and I lived together for about a year and a half in college and were very close after meeting freshman year. She and Jared were music majors together and we (plus a bunhc of others) were a tight group of friends throughout college. She is now married to the wonderful Jeffrey, living in N.C. and teaching Kindergarten. Words can't describe how thrilled I was when they pulled up to the house. We hadn't seen each other in about 5 years and the tears flowed freely. I miss and love her dearly. Here we are on the couch: Jeff, Tiff, me and Jared:




In other news, Emma has shown a funny little interest in accessories lately. She puts on her fuzzy pink snow hat constantly, and often wears it for meals:

She also frequently asks to wear one of my necklaces and her purple crocs. I don't know where she learned to be so girly, 'cause her mommy is barely getting a shower or putting on matching clothes daily!

Emma and Josh enjoyed the one day of 60 degree weather we had by playing outside the entire day. Emma was really interested in Josh's drinkable yogart but totally disgusted when she tried it:



We went out to breakfast with our friends Derek, Lisa and Zelda last Friday and then popped over to the Blvd. mall to see the Easter Bunny. You won't find any pictures of Em with the bunny, however, because the second we put her on his lap she had a nervous breakdown. When I tried to remove her from his lap ("save" her!!!) the bunny wouldn't let go; I guess they're trained not to let wiggly children fall off of their laps. But since my child was screaming and reaching for me and I was attempting to save her from the evil bunny rabbit of doom, I didn't want the dude to keep her on his lap. I had to say, loudly, "Let go of her please!" and then shout "Let her go NOW!!" before he let go his death grip. It was very traumatic for Emma (smirk). In order to make her forget about the bunny, Daddy and Derek took the girls on the horsies while Lisa and I took pictures: