Babycakes

Savannah took her first steps on Tuesday! Aunt Bre is home from the UK and was sleeping over and was so thankful to see Savvy walk (waddle) for the first time. She misses the kids so much when she's gone and it has been wonderful spending time with her again. I miss my baby sister. :(

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There is so much on my mind and in my heart lately and for some reason I'm having a lot of difficulty in expressing it all here. I'm nervous about Jared starting school again and the pressure that will be on me to take care of the girls alone for 3 days a week. I'm worried that the stress will lead to a relapse into the depression, and I'm anxious to have the next 2 years over so that we can settle into a stable, normal routine again.
I have body issues that I haven't even begun to process stemming from the tearing I sustained after Savannah's birth. To make that worse, I have guilt over feeling upset about her birth because DUH! I got my VBAC and why should I be feeling bad about it?!? But when you tear so badly the way I did, I think it changes you. It's been months and months since I last threw up in the shower from touching myself there, but lately I've been shuddering while showering and feeling uncomfortable with my own body again. I wish Elaine had stitched me up better!

The rest of my thoughts will have to wait; Savannah is up and needs some mama milk. :)