Babycakes

Jared went back to work yesterday. My parents came over last night and took Em out for a bit, and a good friend Andrea came over tonight.

I cannot be alone in this. It helps immensely to have someone with me.

There have been times during this past month when I thougth that I would not make it through the next week, day, hour, minute, second. I have panic attacks daily, and on occaision I have had to step out of my mind just to find myself again.

This is terrifying. This is unfair. This is horrible and intense. This is PPD.

But I have hope that I will recover. I don't know how long this will take, but I'm going minute by minute here (day to day is too overwhelming). Tasks like dishes and cooking can save my sanity, organization is KEY. OCD is kicking in and I need to have everything just as I want it the minute I want it so.

My MIL is coming into town on Wed., god help me. I don't do well with company during these times, and fear that I will feel judged. We shall see.

In other news:
Savannah has been laughing and talking for about 2 weeks now, and tries to roll over! She loves her purple Bumbo seat (a purchase inspired by the lovely Janice!) and freaks out with joy when you hold a doll in front of her face (or anything with a face on it, really!). She is an immensely happy baby and smiles for everyone, especially her Daddy, Emma, and me.

And now it is time to wash up and bring her into bed with me. I love co-sleeping; it's too bad that Emma never liked to be in bed with us. I feel like she/we missed out.